On Getting Lost…
Two parts of myself collided recently. One part, I’ve known forever…I have ADD; the other part, I discovered recently…I hold my breath when life gets too overwhelming! The collision occurred during a yoga class. Trying to maintain a difficult pose, I realized I was holding my breath when, simultaneously something outside (probably not a good idea for me to sit by the window!) distracted me and suddenly, I plopped with a resounding thud on my thankfully plump derriere. Hmmm…..
Yoga is a never ending challenge…graceful as a gazelle has never been used in any description of me; in fact, I am eternally and enormously clumsy (think Lucille Ball)! I’m always running late, tripping as I cross the threshold and realize that I should have removed my shoes, cramming myself into tiny corners to avoid crowding others then realizing that I don’t quite fit. Just the other day, I had backed myself so closely into a corner that the movement-activated paper towel dispenser kept spitting out yards of paper towels every time I took the prayer pose because I was too close! But…I LOVE yoga, so I keep at it!
My faithful friends who’ve stuck around since my last post in March were probably wondering if I would ever write again. The same friends who are probably wondering why I’m writing about my dysfunctional yoga practices. However, if you’ve been with me long enough, you know that sometimes it takes me a bit of time to make my point…to get to the real story. Thanks for being so blessedly patient – I really love you guys!
I have been grappling all summer with why I’m not writing. I’ve run the gamut from too busy, to writer’s block, to nightmares of having nothing to offer or contribute, and everything in between. While part of me knew that I shouldn’t write just for the sake of writing, as a lifelong writer I couldn’t understand why I just didn’t want to. So I just let it be (well, tried to!)…
In true Victoria fashion, it took falling flat on my a** for the answer to become clear. What I realized is this: my ADD had been overloaded and I was holding my breath because I was so supremely overwhelmed. WHY? Well, let me tell you why…because this is a lesson that I’m sure applies to the masses…
I got lost…emotionally, motivationally, spiritually…LOST.
At the beginning of this year, I decided that I needed to make some changes. Life wasn’t adhering to my self-imposed goals and deadlines at the rate that I wanted…expected…needed. So, I assumed that I was doing something wrong and set out to find answers.
The problem was that I was looking in all the wrong places.
Isn’t it funny how we can repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again, yet it takes us forever to realize the mistake, let alone the fact that we’ve made the same one a million, zillion, jillion times?
The problem was that I assumed that someone else had my answer. So I started reading books, consulting with experts, taking classes, webinars and clinics, listening to podcasts, audios, etc…blah, blah, blah!!!
I learned a couple of things on my most recent quest: one, there are some miraculously, amazingly, superbly talented, energetic geniuses out there! Seriously, the pool of talent in the world is enough to decimate my tiny ADD brain. It’s literally mind boggling. Secondly, I realized that, once again, what makes these people so successful is not available to me…or you…
No, it’s not money…it’s not who they know, or the resources they have. It’s that they’ve honed in and mastered one single thing…being themselves. Their success is unique and unattainable to the rest of us because we’re not them.
We’re us…I’m me…you’re you! That’s where our true talent and success lies…in being ourselves. We just have to be brave enough to go there.
It’s funny, I’ve been coaching individuals for a while now. One of the prevailing statements I’m always sure to make at the beginning of a coaching relationship is that “I” don’t have the answers – YOU do. Which results in either one of two equally wondrous facial expressions: either I get the “well, then what the hell am I pay you for look,” or I get the beautiful, softening, sometimes tearful realization of shock and awe expression when a client realizes that THEY have the answer, they ARE the answer…I’m merely there to help guide them through the process.
Even funnier (or ridiculously dense – I haven’t decided which), is the fact that as a coach, I often forget that this also applies to me…about me…for me!
So, in a very long-winded way, here’s what I’m trying to say…
I did my research. I studied. I learned. And what I came up with is this: I’ve gotta just be me and everything will work out exactly as it is supposed to. I have to be brave enough to fly my “ME” flag high and proud for all the world to see knowing that some will fall away (maybe even run)…and that’s okay.
We are not a society of lack…there’s someone out there for everyone. Our job is to be our imperfectly, authentic selves and spend our lives searching for our beautifully, equally imperfect and authentic tribe. And that, my friends, is what I’m gonna do!
Phew…guess the writing block is officially over.
I’ve really missed you all…thanks for hanging! In all honesty, I realize that some of you may not have even realized I was gone; and another group of you did, but didn’t think it was worth the expenditure of energy to hit the “unfollow” button. Whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re still here.
I have some really exciting changes coming to this page. While I’ll never stop looking at life through the lens of bravely embracing imperfection, I’m going to be expanding on that in what I think will be fun and unique ways. I’m most definitely wanting to focus on the connection piece as it pertains to all of us…I believe connection is the answer to so much of our struggles and adversity. I hope that you will join me on this adventure!