The Beauty in Unravelling…
I’m doing some life-changing learning these days…
it’s amazing and scary all at the same time.
When was the last time you wrapped something up into a neat and tidy package so that you could put it in storage…up and out of the way?
Last weekend, I was finishing up a creative project and tidying up a box of ribbons, and it occurred to me…if I am going to embrace imperfection, it requires that I unravel the perfectly wrapped story I’ve designed to explain away all my inadequacies, mistakes, failures, fear, shame and excuses.
Because, that package…in all its glittery beauty is no different than the mound under the rug that keeps growing from sweeping all the feelings we don’t want to acknowledge under so we can’t see them.
Like that ribbon, I’ve been doing some unraveling myself lately…and like any sort of change – I am fighting the fear of bringing thoughts and feelings into the light while simultaneously reveling in the newfound freedom of emblazoned self-honesty.
I’m learning to accept that the stories I’ve made up for justifying who I’m not, in order to pretend I’m somebody else, no longer serve me well…
it’s time to let go…to be honest…to honor who I am now and where I want to go from here.
And, that won’t happen unless I unravel…so, unravel I shall…
I’m going to share something with you. I’ve been doing this blogging thing long enough to know that, many times, silence isn’t a sign that I’ve written about something people can’t connect to – but, rather, that I’ve hit a nerve.
I believe that’s what happened when I posted about my issues with dysfunctional eating a while back…it hit a bit too close to home…and that’s okay. I wasn’t ready to face my addiction until recently…after all, it takes time for a behavior to become a habit and even longer to undo once we decide to change.
I’m taking three classes in school this semester that have forced me to confront some of my own lies: behavioral neuroscience, health psychology and lifestyle medicine. All three classes address the same issues, but from very different perspectives. However, there is one common theme that I can no longer deny…my thoughts dictate my feelings and my feelings dictate my actions; and those actions impact the outcome of my life.
It’s all connected…
So, what do you need to unravel?
What have you wrapped up and tucked away?
What’s hiding under your rug?
I want to give you permission to go there and to explore…to gently bring it out into the light and let it be seen. I want you to know that you have nothing to be ashamed of…you were doing the very best that you could at the time. I want to remind you to offer yourself the grace you need to forgive yourself…and to start over if need be.
For me, I’m letting my food story unravel. I’ve allowed myself to see the shame that I’ve been covering up with food since I was a little girl. I’ve let the truth surface and the story unfold. I’m giving myself the grace to gently learn new ways of dealing with my emotions that don’t hurt my health. I’m learning to forgive myself and start a new relationship with food.
The lightness I feel these days has nothing to do with the number on the scale.
Beautiful, imperfect friends…it is time…go unravel…
I send you all love and light,